i’m a whole package deal: you simply get a mentally ill friend a comedian and a porn star all in one

friends but would fuck in a heartbeat if one insisted

no baby i didn’t ghost you, i was training you cause what if your s/o ghosts you one day you’ll thank me later

if you don’t stalk my account and make a hit list of those who got my attention what’s the point

apparently spitting in someone’s mouth creates a soul tie who’s up and wants to merge souls

how do i look today? you look like you need a shoulder to put your legs on

“i’ll choke you” owner x “i’ll choke you first” pet

if my finger ever slips mid stalking i’m gonna start liking all your tweets like i’m just dora the explorer instead of joe goldberg

it’s okay baby i’m here to take the weight off your shoulders, let me hold those boobs for you

missionary so i can ask why they liked this person’s post at exactly 0:01

“how did you know?” silly i even know what you ate for breakfast don’t you know i’m insane

every hot dad comes with a puppy son

babe don’t worry about us not being compatible i’ll come up with new personalities to match yours

normalise sitting with legs open around me for the easy access a man can be tired sometimes

mind is full of a pretty baby kneeling in front of me with my fingers shoved inside of their mouth

making them watch a horror movie with you knowing they get scared easily so they won’t be able to resist you that night

if i don’t find anyone i can spam with “mommy” till christmas santa won’t be the only one jumping off rooftops this year

spotify wrapped this spotify wrapped that how about you wrap those hands around my neck and restrict my airflow i can’t do this

handwritten letters but make it stalker notes that contains them talking about how bad they want to get rid of people around you

emotional sub x pervert dom who won’t hesitate to lick their tears off