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me age 13: been getting really into vampires lately me age 18: i can’t remember the last time i’ve felt genuine happiness me age 26: been getting really into vampires lately

his paycheck my choice

Just ate the best soggy crispy popcorn of my life

It's actually so simple ....

more men need to do this instead of becoming incels

grating cheese is so fun until it starts getting scary

She thought I was despicable until my money gru

Doctrine 1.c) Upon my election all retail workers will be legally allowed to physically or verbally assault one (1) customers per shift with no repercussions.

Way uglier people than you are having way hotter sex than you and they’re having a lot of it.

When people who claim to be fans of jazz music talk about how Japanese jazz is better than American jazz it’s like…….. girl ok

I’ll never forget when I was at an anti-racism workshop and they had us do this interactive game where they’d say a privilege and if you had it you’d step forward and ofc I was all the way in the back behind everyone, and one white person kept on looking back and making this face

Just went on a date with the most chronically offline guy I've ever met....I still don't understand what he does in his spare time

got scurvy before even leaving port. captain is pissed. im the worst pirate ever. thinking about walking the plank... #sadpirate

Today I learnt that Pedro Pascal was quietly blacklisted from my local grocery store because staff saw him reach into his pants to scratch his butt and then touched produce..............guys..

Quebecois be like we need to go to the Walmart in Champs-Elysées-Neur-Seuilly-sur-Rhône

If you hate her you will die and go to hell