Hacker : I have all your passwords Me : OMG thank you what are they

[farmers market] Guy about to invent popcorn: Do you have any vegetables that fucking explode

Trader Joe's is like if if a grocery store was your friend who studied abroad and made it their entire personality.

Jennifer Coolidge is so right. Sometimes you want a hot dog real bad

a group of 2-3 men is called a podcast but a group of 4+ men? that's a startup

Kids are so lucky. I wish someone would tell me "you better finish that pizza if you want ice cream."

Some of you are suffering because you’ve read a million emails but not a single poem.

before buying something online, ask yourself: do I want to get an email from this company for the rest of my life?

forget about touching grass, i need to touch THE SEA I NEED TO GO INTO THE WATER I NEED TO DIVE INTO THE SEA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Logging onto the dark web (teams, outlook, and excel)

I hate when my side hustle (my job) gets in the way of my main hustle (dilly dallying)

Dear makers of women's clothing… Pants pockets should be like poetry. DEEP ENOUGH TO BE MEANINGFUL.

"I hope this email finds you well!" How the email found me.

Why don’t coffee trucks drive around the neighborhood like ice cream trucks?

body so tea the british are coming

i'm just one mug of hot water away from being a 🐝

starting the second half of your sandwich is like hell yeah baby let’s run it back

You gotta dry fitted sheets by themselves. They will put the rest of your clothes in a headlock and bully them into staying wet.

archaeologists be like: yeah we're dating