girls who upload photos of them and their boyfriend kissing

The best thing about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that big lonely bed of yours. Left, right, middle, wherever

Cover your stump before you hump

If you slip between her thighs, condomize

Don't make a mistake, cover your snake

its so cold outside, almost colder than my heart

You can't go wrong, if you shield your dong

If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it

I'm STD free 🔥 Who else here can retweet that?!

😂😂

If you like someone, tell them. Or just stalk them on every social network and cry yourself to sleep every night. It’s whatevs

I hate it when I get a boner in class and it flips my desk

I once wrestled an Anaconda for 30 minutes. Oh wait no, I was just masturbating..

Girls screenshot everything & then send it to there friends in a group chat and then laugh at people & that is why the girl species is evil.

I'm not saying she's a slut, but her favorite shade of lipstick is penis

How to look hot: 1) stop being ugly

A penis has a sad life. His hairs a mess, His parents are nuts, His neighbors an asshole, His best friends a pussy, And his owner beats him

My dick is called Batman. Bitches love when my Dark Knight rises

50 shades of dark circles under my eyes

who cares if girls wear their leggings as pants like I will wear my leggings as a scarf if I want to shut the fuck up