I don't know how many more consecutive days of scrubbing and exclaiming to myself "This is the cleanest my place has ever been!" I can take before I snap completely.

I just posted my first tweet after having an account for seven years. That's what this quarantine has reduced me to.

A whole generation of children, including myself, owe it to Regis for playfully stressing the importance of being rich. Thank you.

I'm sick of dealing with these corrupt brokerages. I'm headed to Gamestop to buy stock directly from the source: The pimple-faced kid from The Simpsons.

How long have I lived in Los Angeles? I just mixed my cereal with Califia Farms barista blend oat milk, so you tell me.

I feel like societally we have devolved from Robocop to Robocop 2 standards and there are still people acting like everything is fine.

Took a rapid to learn I'm just tired.

Wordle guy is a perv.

(Italy) Enjoy 5-year-old Alberto Cartuccia Cingolani performing some Mozart.🎶🎵

La Negroni Sbagliato is definitely the best Rush song. Glad it's reaching a new generation.

My life is so dull lately that my phone made one of those video montages and it’s just called “April at Home”.