Gothic cholo music = Lil Rob Zombie

I wish Starbucks had a internet company. They have the strongest Wifi

You gotta micro dose those Dollar store melatonins! They be strong AF

How is ICE driving the same shitty car as me? what the Helly?

Young me: I need to always get the window seat when flying In my 30s: I need to get the aisle seat because my bladder is not the Same anymore

Ima use A.I videos to change the Ending of La Bamba & Selena where they both survive.

24 hour laundromats are crazy! If you're there at 3am youre Either there to wash the clothes you just cheated with or you're washing off blood stains.

My Grandma Really believes Mr Roger's & Eazy E had 40s together. Damn Ai!

Trumps Neck has a Only Fans

People will be able to now live till 250 Years thanks to the Japanese. Imagine now waiting another 150 years for your grandma to die to keep the house

Dodger parade tomorrow! Those waymos better watch out!

Spirit halloween employees we will miss you guys

You know its a Dodger parade when you see a lowrider float

I knew TSA didn't care about working with out pay, when they let me go through wearing my jacket

I'm ready for Turkey Tacos this Thanksgiving

Daylight savings makes me feel like I'm late and early at the same time when I look at my phone & microwave

My Anxiety stems from overthinking and my overthinking stems from Anxiety! It's like a double sided dildo sword

San Diego I'm Headlining! Get your tickets micdropcomedysandiego.com/shows/332132

Its called body wash because it washes the whole body including hair right? Or am I messing up?

got so many extensions on a traffic ticket, that the cop who gave me the ticket retired #LifeHacks