Wordle needs to chill tf out. There is a lot happening, don’t be a dick.

2022 baby

*laughs because it hurts*

The only thing I need to know about you is if your parents are still married.

I texted with my therapist for this first time, and good news you guys, he has an iPhone.

Hey Ted Cruz you could learn a thing or two from Will Smith

Regulatory Bodies: “ADHD medication is highly addictive” ADHD Folks: “Wait… did I take my pills?"

When you text your man to tell him you won’t make cuz you are sick does he call you to check in right away? Cuz my therapist does💅🏼

🚨 🚨 Keith Morrison in skinny jeans and converse 🚨 🚨

Men will literally back into a parking space instead of just going to therapy

The vicious cycle of having to to paid stand up gigs so you can afford therapy for the trauma you joke about in your stand up

She’s a 10 but she thinks Epstein killed himself.

I don’t been therapy, I need to fight the lady who was waxing my eyebrows when I was 14 and asked “upper lip too?”

Thank you Al Yankovic 🪗my son Lewy has been a fan for years. Even dressing as weird al for Halloween and tonight we got to make a memory he will never forget

Oh no, they suspended @danielradcliffe's Twitter account! Wasn't it obvious he was doing a PARODY???

Devasting news: my 7 yr old daughter doesn’t want an American Girl doll for Xmas. HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO HEAL MY CHILDHOOD TRUAMA IF SHE WONT LET ME BUY HER A SAMANTHA DOLL?!?!?!?

Can’t wait for my Mother’s Day questionnaires the schools have kids fill out as a gift. On the edge of my seat to find out if my kids think I’m a skinny legend or a beached whale🙃

My biggest flex is that I actually use college degree.