The #Knicks run has me hoping that Desus MF Nice💯 & THE KID MERO 🇩🇴 would make a limited set of episodes to commemorate this historic occasion. A guy can hope.

I’m imagining this quote on these kinda shirts and I have no doubt they’d sell out instantly

This is how I feel anytime someone looks at me while I’m eating a mango

Okay I have to be honest, seeing it from this angle I kind of understand how he got launched

No bake cookies gotta be one of the most u serrated desserts of all time

perfect time to drop this explanation

used to think the idea of hypnotized sleeper agents turning violent after hearing an activation phrase was far-fetched, but then I heard the Microsoft Teams jingle for the first time in two weeks today

I've spent years struggling to prove that the sunk-cost fallacy isn't actually a fallacy. No sense in giving up now, though.

42% of cancer patients in America deplete their entire life savings within the first 2 years of their diagnosis. We can't help them, but apparently we can bribe everyone in Greenland with a check of up to $100 grand if they secede from Denmark. Because: America first!

In elementary school you're really led to believe that King Tut is a bigger deal than he is

OH THEY FINNA BE MAAAAAAD

my fav part of grocery shopping is seeing what kind of fucked up new shit the psychos at Oreo have come up with

for what the monkey considers business the horse considers play

The weather is conspiring against the ice cream eating agenda but we will not be silenced.

This is where we’re at

I’d like to see the CEO of LinkedIn try to find a real job through LinkedIn

‘How are you so focused under pressure?’ Me in 1995:

Just got racially profiled by a 7~ year old kid at the museum and I ain’t ever been so confused in my life lmao

most cutting thing you can say is "who's this clown?" because it implies they're a) a clown & b) not even one of the better-known clowns