Something fun

For Mother's Day this year, give your Mom what every Mom wants. The choice of whether or not they want to become a Mom at all.

Seinfeld should have been called Friends and Friends should have been called Coffee House Pals

I'm going to start being more positive towards all of you fucking assholes.

This country's hypocrisy is astounding.

Sandy Hook was 10 years ago and kids are still being killed in school. Richard Reid failed at blowing up a plane with a shoe bomb 20 years ago, and you still have to take off your shoes at an airport. Human life will never be more valuable than personal property in this country.

Hard to wrap my head around the idea that the best chance for teachers to get new textbooks is if the inside is hollowed out so they can hide gun in it.

When I dwell on how the Pandemic has negatively effected my mind and body, I just think of how Bradley Cooper got it so much worse

This photo was taken moments before Kathy Patterson was suddenly crushed to death by the detached engine of a 747. If only she had been armed.

This is what I made when I heard Nicole Kidman and Naomi Watt had a romantic relationship

Finally a legitimately fuckable Grindelwald

Did this occur to anyone else? #BarryHBO #Barry

Just jerked off and killed millions of potential kids. How am I still allowed to do this?

For the Barbie movie, Ryan Gosling’s going method and sanding his crotch down to a smooth plastic like surface.

The Highland Park shooter is named Robert Crimo THE THIRD, and that pisses me off in a whole new and different way.

We are getting dangerously close to a future where guns are surgically inserted into pregnant women so the baby can shoot it’s way out.

Excited to share the stage with so many of my favorite funny people this Friday! It's Big City Boyfriend's first night of 2PROV at 6 PM. Last week the lights went out mid show and a fire hydrant exploded outside the parking lot--who knows what will happen this time around

SO THE ENTROPY OF DIFFERENT OBJECTS ARE GOING FORWARD IN TIME, AND SOME ARE GOING BACKWARDS! AND EVEN THOUGH ROBERT PATTINSON SAVED THE LIFE OF THE PROTAGONIST BEFORE THEY MET, THE PROTAGONIST IS THE ONE WHO RECRUITED ROBERT PATTINSON IN THE FIRST PLACE!

HE MADE A HOLOGRAM OF HIS WIFE’S DEAD FATHER FOR HER 40th BIRTHDAY AND THEN A YEAR LATER SHE’S FUCKING PETE DAVIDSO…

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