White boys across the nation telling their beautiful Black fiancées they got this year’s joint halloween costume sewn up

Fiancée just showed this to me and said “this is the stuff you think we should have in the house”

This is what comes up when you search for the la yellow cab company on yelp

Funniest movie to be as long as it is

Only guy to appear in both the original twilight zone and a music video with t-pain, most likely

No one saw me just cry my eyes out at work over this lol

Guy who has seen 1000 movies: the best director of the 1950s was kurosawa or hitchcock or ozu Guy who has seen 10000 movies: the best director of the 1950s was chuck jones

May 10th 2007 My dad *listening to the audio of tony blair resigning in disgrace on conservative talk radio while driving*: this guy… was a hero Me *playing zoo tycoon ds in the backseat*: man i am running this zebra enclosure into the damn ground

Every day lately: 7:45am: not sure why people aren’t doing everything in their power to keep their constituents and/or customers from growing even more desperate and insane, as if they will be invincible to resulting unrest, even violence 4:30pm: hmm… m3gan 2.0 gets 2.5 stars

$50k each for weeks of hell on love island is pretty funny like that’s a single above-average final jeopardy, that’s a single “who is spiro agnew?”

During superman when he was saying “lois” a lot the teen in front of us went “just like family guy. lois.”

As a child they took my picture and dressed me up as a newspaper man and no one screened the paper they made me hold

None of these turn my mom’s tv on

Radically shifting the vibe of this east texas catfish joint

Mom’s house ibuprofen expire less than ten years ago challenge (failed)

Beautiful new public park in my family’s small town built with a state grant my grandma helped secure using sales tax on sporting goods (thank you grandma; thank you dick’s shoppers)