Genuine apologies to all who saw that. Being appointed Covid Marshall for Broughty Ferry was one of the greatest honours of my life and clearly that was not how I wanted the first morning to go. That is not the man I am, that is not the Covid Marshall I am. I will learn from this

Your dad and your mum’s new boyfriend trying to keep things civil for her sake.

is this tier 4?

Macron this morning

A lawyer using Zoom had to let a judge know that he wasn’t a cat after inadvertently activating a face filter

This is the amount of sugar in ONE Cadbury’s Creme egg. Outrageous.

☎️☎️☎️☎️☎️ My latest cartoon for tomorrow's The Telegraph Subscribe to my weekly newsletter to receive my unseen cartoons: telegraph.co.uk/premium/matt/?…

BREAKING: David Cameron is lobbying the government demanding that Aston Ham be included in the Super League

“It’s just that people seem a little bit upset, Joel. About your Super League idea, and I was wondering...”

BREAKING: Colin, Cuthbert, Clyde, Cecil, Curly and Wiggles have agreed to establish a new Caterpillar ‘Super League’, with 3 more caterpillars expected to join.

Wotsits, Skips, Frazzles and Monster Munch were all invented within 6 years of each other in the 1970s. The golden age of maize snacks.

"No, darling, I'm afraid we didn't keep any of the newspapers from the day you were born."

Palace called it again. - Get them out of our club #CPFC

Re-sharing this again - #cpfc fans please share.

Crystal Palace can win the Premier League in 10 to 15 years, says co-chairman Steve Parish: skysports.tv/HvcTlb