Get tf out my way type way. @dvbbs BRIDGE

Bisexual means you’ve had sex twice

Brian Lilley Justin Trudeau what do you think q-tips are... for?

"Your indifference cost these men and women their most valuable commodity: time." Jon Stewart receives a standing ovation from 9/11 first responders after slamming lawmakers for failing to fund programs providing healthcare to the first responders abcn.ws/2Tk3IrO

Me: mentions male name My family: is he... you know

wish I had less fuck energy and more like take care of myself energy

got another capitalism greatest hit. i will give you one hundred thousand dollars if you can guess the brand by the end

I love clean towels #cleantowel

going off my antidepressant is weird cause like yeah i wanna die but at least i can have orgasms again

british people be having sex like: mmmm yes splendid ah indeed scrumptious carry on good heavens i’m arriving

nice of ubereats to add a new $2 fee on all orders under $12. makes it real easy to delete the app forever

My dad is adamant about me not getting a little husky puppy. He said for 100k retweets he will let me adopt one. plz twitter, i need you

Nah, last time there was a joke at a debate it became president.

AWESOME GIVEAWAY: Kingdom Death Monster 1.5 / 7th Continent and Gloomhaven (+ Expansions) / Tanares Adventures / Tainted Grail, in celebration of Tanares Adventures Kickstarter Campaign! wn.nr/7hTmqh