WTF Lost over 1k followers today. It wasn't me, must be Elon If I've lost you it wasn't me Give me a nudge I'll rectify it 👍👍

Starmer hasn't "Ripped down" Thatchers portrait He's moved it. A big fecking difference

First they came for Esther McVey And I thought Fucking brilliant

Angela Rayner had a rave You think she'd danced on Thatchers grave Daily Mail, Just look at her they hissed I'll bet she's very very pissed She's on her hols you cheerless twats Donkey rides and kiss me hats Now to end this little ditty The Daily Mail is fecking shitty

More comedy gold than a Dachshund trying to get upstairs with A hard on

It's true the FlipFlops are reforming Oasis eat your heart out 🤣

Dear diary Today I swallowed a goldfish Smacked a bus drivers bottom Twerked in Tesco Rang the doorbell at number 11 and ran away Forgot my medication Ruined the economy Knitted some cheese Shouted at an airplane Oops here comes the nurse Night night everyone Kisses x

This just creases me up (Anon)

As a lot of people I follow know I'm a Dylan fan. But this is a question I've always asked myself "Wiggle wiggle wiggle" What the actual fuck was he thinking when he recorded this

Donald and I have some great news We are bringing out a new recipe book called. 100 WAYS TO WOK A DOG

Trump did NOT eat your fucking Budgerigar GOT IT❓

Dear Kettle These are very nice BUT they are NOT Potato chips They are in fact Fecking crisps. Enough Americanisation Thank you.

Apparently Anderson thought a catalyst Was a menu from Springfield

I had a cat It's name was Prince I took it all the way to Springfield And now it's name is Mince😞😞😞

One last thought before bed. If space is a vacuum How come my house is full of dust ❓🤔🤔🤔🤔

Because air fryers have become extremely popular in many kitchens,(not all I know) But I use mine every day and not just for chips. If it can go in the oven,it goes in the air fryer. Would it be possible for food manufacturers to print cooking times on the packaging ❓

Might work. 😂😂😂😂

Binge watching FRIDAY NIGHT DINNER (again) Excellent gentle comedy Nextdoor neighbour Jim is hilarious. Just saying.

New naked attraction Looks shite 🤐🤐🤐