People have been curious about the book I’m writing about diarrhea. Many heads have been turned. What most of them don’t know,It’s a horror anthology about the early Americas.

Heard a loud pop. Kicked my neighbors door down, looking for the shooter. Saw her there. She had just used the convex side of a spoon to pop a can of frozen biscuits. She lit a cig and said “what took you so long”.

Been thinking about how Roseanne started a loose-meat restaurant

Michelangelo is a party dude Michelangelo is a party dude Michelangelo is a party dude Michelangelo is a party dude Michelangelo is a party dude Michelangelo is a party dude Michelangelo is a party dude

The Beatles Blackbird studio recording has the tapping foot percussion that perfectly sounds like slow ass cheeks slapping together, if you can’t play an instrument.

My great great great great grandparents invented the toilet and were lauded for the design. when they realized people wanted to shit in it they were outraged and took the toilet to the mountains. They shattered it and drank poison. Y’all owe me money.

A smoothie can be called a “smooth one” or a “smooth boy”... you can really do whatever you want. There is no true spelling of a smoothie by the way...free yourself

Yoooo!!! Dreams do come true!! I can announce I just closed the deal with NBC to develop my show One Head Light...loosely based on the Wallflowers song...not sure what it’s about yet but I can say it’s gonna be fucked up and bad

“you can skip the first season” ok well i probably won’t bc I have never done that and also no one has ever done that,

Y2K killed my uncle?

Don’t be afraid of Covid? Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-it!

"Psycho Killer" but it's "Stephen Miller" and the fa's are ha's.

Hubie election week

Imagine knowing a person with a dog named Dylan

Sally Jesse Raphael and her sister Sally Jesse Donatello

Every Elon post is like watching Joe Pesci enter the Home Alone house

Me if I ever meet the creative director behind Liberty Mutual’s advertising