i’m lactose intolerant but I need everyone to understand that I do not respect myself enough to stop consuming dairy.

Why does BLM have to answer for looters but the NRA doesn’t have to answer for school shooters

cannot be emphasized enough that Oregon votes entirely by mail

Been telling my daughter to take this mask off for over 3 hours 💀 she’s not listening .

when I'm making plans: "I'm down" - yes "I'd be down" - I'm not down, but if I must be down I will be.

When I cook with cilantro I throw in a little soap too so no one feels genetically superior to anyone else

I went to a Q & A with Peele & somebody asked him “you were intending symbolism with that scene right? Separating the white from the color?” And he was like “I like that but no. I just tried to think of the world’s most psychotic snack. That was fruit loops and milk separately”

“you changed” yes

Me while cooking and cleaning ☹️ #WAP

I just know Adele can fight.

Women get to smell like real things (vanilla, lavender) but men have to smell like concepts. What the fuck is "cool sport rush"

me when i was 7 and put my moms headbands on my eyes and pretended to be cyclops from x-men

my boyfriend and i go to Taco Bell. what do you want i ask him. a baja blast? no. he gets down on one knee. i want something that will baja last. will you marry me? they ring the taco bell. we live happily ever after mas.