I had a kiwi and then shat myself.

I've also been having a LOT of sriracha

Is there a ...Mrs basil 🫦

V high staff turn over in prison as you can imagine but one woman genuinely looked like the wardrobe from beauty and the beast she lasted a week max

They're trying to make dog soft play a thing. Nuke us

Someone shat in the gym pool !

it's Atticus Pünd #deathinparadise #magpiemurders

Remember happy slapping? At school we had a special assembly to tell us not to give eachother smileys with clippers

I'm doing a deodorant experiment. One armpit with chemist stuff that smells of soil and one with mitchum max strength. Results to follow

I've got no mates at work. Someone half arsed invited me on a hike and/or Alton towers.

I'm pass agg beefing with a school mum. This hatred fuels me mate. She just did a 👍🏻

A chimp called mellony

Took a bad pill once, can't listen to gnarles barkley

I went on a bad holiday to Kenya once and read Marcus Trescothicks autobiography that someone had left behind.

How can I make this about meeee(n)

I had pret for breakfast and lunch and a carvery for tea. Women!

Like ..friends?

I'm insane

Went non verbal yesterday