My favourite part of The Godfather is when the guy wakes up and screams because the Mafia has stolen the bottom half of the horse he keeps in his bed.

Well that settles it. The Earth is flat.

Hulk Hogan: Selling out to MAGA while trying to convince everyone he’s Not That Racist Anymore The Rock: Mid-life movie star crisis Stone Cold:

I still think about YouTube to mp3 converter sometimes

I see Michael Myers

Smokers who don’t smoke in their house are funny. You will put smoke in your lungs but not in your living room

Breaking Bad (2008)

Can’t believe it’s been 5 years

You just know Charles Bronson’s cologne was a rich blend of bourbon, tobacco, and kicked asses.

45 is weird because am I far too old for Velcro shoes or am I far too young for Velcro shoes?

I feel like watching a movie. No. No. No. No. No. Oh god no. No. No. No. Oooh, Kevin Costner. No. No. No. No.

If i was a judge I'd sentence every criminal to six months of reading Instagram comments

If you're a mutagen, you have to tell me.

If it was the late 1980s, and you needed a Chicago cop, you gave Jim Belushi a call.

I come here when I don't want to think. I see you do the same.

I have never bought a candle in my life. I don't know where they come from.

Every white dude in his 40s knows all of the lyrics to Gangster's Paradise.

I've started counting days. I'm up to 8 so far. When I get to 100, I'll call that a year. So, already, you can see it's a better system.

Girl, are you a junk refrigerator left by the curb with the door still attached? Because I want to put a baby in you.