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maybe drinking doubles all night and having a cigarette is actually really good for you there is really no way to know

maybe her dms havent been working for 2 months

we need to have a twitter meet up and watch party for this

moving to a walkable city won’t solve all your problems but it will allow you to get drunk and just walk around and that is peak activity you can’t get just any where

we have entered the respond to every tweet like it’s a text message directly to me portion of the evening

i lied there’s no sex can you check under my bed for monsters

every 10 degrees warmer my shorts get 1 inch shorter

wow i absolutely love your outfit the black really brings out the pet hair on it

“i bet so many people are in your dms” the so many people in my dms:

every day I try to make my thighs bigger my shorts smaller and brain dumber

our relationship is parasocial and i love you

deleting dating apps to meet someone the ole fashioned way...tweeting really good

Chili's Grill & Bar did they finally give Chris access to tweet from the official chilis twitter?

I think it’s important to have a plan for the future like for example mine is to hit a massive parlay or kms

My laptop is overheating because I am doing a really good job

I met my wife when she replied to my 47th consecutive “hey what’s up beautiful” dm

theres a few of you id love to chug a beer and slam a hot dog with at a baseball game this summer

who cares by the age of 25 you should already be banned from tinder