Doing karaoke today, what song should I sing? I reckon I might go with a Pogues tune and do my best Shane MacGowan impression

Saturday

Ireland has a TD now called Michael Collins, which doesn't seem too weird, really. But imagine if you met a man tomorrow named Eamon De Valera. There has to be one out there.

Was up at 6:30am playing Sudoku on 'master' difficulty after staying in on a Friday night. Rumour has it that I have been shortlisted to win the Nobel Prize for 'Being Sensible'

This is just so funny Ireland is so funny

Can't listen to Here Comes Your Man by Pixies anymore because I instantly think of that tweet about a bunch of Irish lads seeing a fella walking down the road and going, 'Ah look, here comes yer man.' A great song ruined forever

Trying to think of the best karaoke picks. I reckon A Rainy Night In Soho is well up there, maybe Red Right Hand if you've got the right kind of weird charisma or Grace if everyone has already had about 12 pints. The Killing Moon would prob be great if it was 2 mins shorter

I think people who are mean to me should try something new: being nice to me.

Steve Coogan being in the Joker 2 trailer for 2 seconds is the strongest case for the film I’ve seen. Imagine what would happen if Alan Partridge met The Joker….

I also have this bag, so if you really think about it... am I Neo from The Matrix???

Lost my Thesaurus. Gutted. Really gutted. Like absolutely gutted.

Blood Meridian-ass headline

duke leto: can any of you tell me what the biggest number is?

gurney hallack: i dunno.........22? 23?

thufir hawat (eyes rolling back in his head): one million my lord