What is the correct response when someone points at the band tee you’re wearing and goes “omg I love that band!!” Cuz I said “no way me too!!” and that felt incorrect

if you need me I’ll be laying on the floor listening to Phoebe Bridgers’ discography while violently dissociating

Evan, Robbie, and Brit liking all my tweets, even the stupid ones:

I have never, ever, not once in my entire life, been able to “play it cool”

slut era!! (yearning for a deep and passionate connection with someone whom I can see myself building a life with)

This isn’t my first rodeo!!! Though I must admit, I’m not very good at rodeos

sorry I’m late for work boss, the cat was asleep on me, you understand

I would do anything for my sister!!! except for text her back… I will not be doing that

hilarious that I refuse to get on dating apps and want to meet someone organically, and yet here I am ignoring all three people who asked for my number while I was out this weekend 🫠

sorry I didn’t text you back, I’m very busy being smart AND funny AND sexy, it’s a lot to juggle :/

day drunk off two margs and I just bought $200 plane tickets to go see a concert in Phoenix happy sink-o day mayo

I need to do a drug that makes me feel the same as when I’m driving into Denver and the mountains start coming into view on the horizon

okay so I went against my every instinct and downloaded Hinge today to meet people and do fun stuff while I’m in Denver and uhhhh… IT IS WORKING VERY WELL

crossing my fingers and hoping for a cute coworker at my first clinical rotation, because NOTHING is more exhilarating than a Work Crush

1. Dudes who look like the dad from inside out 2. Bass players with short hair 3. Drummers with long hair 4. Men that give off gay eccentric uncle vibes

why is brushing your teeth with someone such an intimate activity??? like we might as well be showering together

The trivia guy just said the final question is about football and the entire bar groaned loudly