Never had a girlfriend. Not a single one. Never will. “Omg you’re missing out” Maybe. You’re missing out on being a twitter superstar. Keep your girlfriends.

date: so, what do you do for work? me (mouth full of food): robot child abuse. (swallowing) smack 'em with signs and shit.

I asked Grok for a picture of a hamburger.

vietnamese people will look at you with a straight face and say their name is "dong"

you know who else had a "love island"?

Its 7/11/25, blessed date

Thank you Hillary Clinton 🙏

#NewProfilePic

All that matters

this one easily

It doesn't matter what your stance about him is This is the funniest shit I've ever fucking seen

eurosummer but we only visit major centers of steel production

goat

Went to my local Toyota dealership for a airbag swap on my Car, saw this sign in the back of the garage, asked if it was for sale ! Sadly no.. Back to pickup the car, the mechanic was here with the sign and give it to me as a gift because my request was funny and uncommon ! 🥹

Real bravery is where ur willing to take a sh*t The lowest T men can only poop at home Autists and social anxiety types Average mfs might be willing to drop one in a nice hotel lobby or upscale grocery store But the bravest of men The conquerors Will sh*t at the gas station

Can’t even get nasty at a baseball game without some fucking creep recording you

A woman rear ended my wife, and my wife was pushed into the car in front of her which was also driven by a woman. I get there and no one has exchanged insurance, everyone disassociated. Cops get here and it's 2 female cops

We're so starved for ads with hot women we're losing it over Sydney Sweeney dressed like she's Jay Leno

you bad as fuck for a fourth grader