i just saw a chilling video from Springfield. a man speeding home from work found a glowing green uranium rod in his trousers and threw it out his window, nearly hitting a skateboarding boy with it.

I'm sitting next to a Lincoln impersonator at the airport bar. He's watching MSNBC reporting on yesterday's assassination attempt. This is easily the most surreal thing I've ever witnessed.

MARTTTYYYYYYYY

LFG MARTYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

(45 minutes late to class with a starbucks drink that is a color you didn’t know existed) sorry i am late . My car exploded

everson, wa NWS Seattle Seattle Weather Blog #Auroraborealis

u can tell when a person did the announcements in high school

7th grade, sophomore year, and 19 all have the same miserable depressive energy

season six of the simpsons is really where everything ever peaked

happy birthday to the goat

me every day after working at the donut shop

I am looking forward to an orderly election tomorrow which will eliminate the need for a violent bloodbath.

“So what do you think about the election?” “It's gonna come down to turnout in the key swing states.”

BREAKING: Dizzy Gillespie takes shocking new lead as Trump and Harris scramble in final hours of voting!

A strangle too far