Lol almost thanksgiving. The time of year all the fake bitches who stopped texting come crawling back. Asking for gravy recipes. Asking why their Turkey isn’t as moist as mine. Begging for tips about homemade stuffing. Now it’s too late

Chef Judy can’t get into her Twitter account

I’m not “just a girl”. I’m a decorated chef.

Does anybody think my vibes are off 🩷

While the real ladies and gentle women are eating my homemade quiche

Broccoli Broc coli Roc coli oc coli e coli.

Saw a movie marketed as “the most terrifying movie of the year”. Well thank you for letting me know. I would not like to be terrified .

This still happens to me sometimes. Let’s fact check! This isn’t a “middle ages” thing. This is an Utah thing. But I think it’s funny that people will just believe this because of a drawing… whereas all of Utah knows the truth

Don’t fuck with chefs 😼 we know how to handle BALLS! 😼😼😼

I’ve ghost written all your favorites’ cook books. Thousands of them. Yeah. That was me: I take a check and I keep quiet . Martha Stewart gets the fame but I get my peace and quiet on the farm

I have a whole team of lawyers who work for me for FREE. Because they care about me. Because I’m the one who makes sure they get lasagna on Christmas. And let me tell you, I have a lot of legal battles

Gordon Ramsey isn’t my boyfriend. People just think that because of the way he looks at me.

Ok yes except the one beautiful woman who was in the Italian military whom I saw at the Trevi Fountain two years ago. Sweetheart… you can do whatever you want. I’ll be there regardless. I’ve tried to find you all this time. Please send me a sign

It’s so important to covet your neighbors

I just rescued an incredibly lonely and skinny looking coyote dog. He was wandering the streets alone at near 2 am. Happy to say that now he has found his forever home. He is a bit reactive but with love and support he will be like any other dog

Hog warts is a crazy name for a school wait

I do not think that’s the same duck… why do you all believe it to be

It’s giving lion king

Many of you have to take drugs to unlock the same beautiful wonders that I hold in my head free of charge

Someone is playing a rap song and I said this sounds like the Hamilton musical