I see so many Tik Toks about “things you didn’t know you needed from Amazon.” If you didn’t know you needed it, you don’t actually need it. Stop buying stupid shit.

I watched Interstellar two days ago, and I already wanna watch it again.

Colleges will charge their students $60k/year and then cold call them a year after graduating to ask for donations lmao.

Person who invented the breaststroke: “Hey, wouldn’t it be cool if we made swimming way harder than it needed to be?”

If ass-shaking were an Olympic event, I’d win a platinum medal.

I tried so hard to resist the Blackstone hype, but it is truly an unstoppable force.

Gotta learn more about cars so these mechanics can’t walk all over me every time I come in for routine maintenance.

Social media accounts: “You need a password that’s at least eight characters, including a number, a special character, and both uppercase and lowercase letters.” Banks and credit cards: “Password? Yeah, any four numbers will be fine.”

One of my coworkers found my high school speech videos, and now I have to quit my job.

What genius decided to test the emergency alert system at 11:07 PM?

One like and I’ll buy this and make a rooftop bar

I’m having another existential crisis in the bathroom of Lil’ Ricky’s in Omaha

What this country really needs is a Wii Sports resurgence.

Anybody know if Mike Reilly is looking for work?

This is what Nebraska’s o-line is made of.

You seen this economy? This is war.