Shocking. Just absolutely shocking.

“In 2 weeks”

Framing the demolishing of vehicle fuel efficiency standards as a money saver is destroying my brain cells send help

2007 Retro Commercial: — Orbit Gum

Cannot believe I just searched “teenage sperm count” on PubMed to confirm my suspicion that nowhere near enough adolescent semen research has occurred in any era to support this claim. Why is he always so weird about kids?

And all they could come up with is "dork cult"? Gotta say, dork cult sounds kinda sweet ngl.

If X were a sport it would be this

90% of NFL returns result in a flag.

I also was "denied for life" when they though I had a blood condition that was later determined to not be true 20 years after living my whole life thinking I did.

This is Herman. He learned how to eat corn on the cob today. And within 11 seconds, he became an expert. 13/10

I do find this just amazing

THE AMERICANS, but Keri Russel is just boinking tech nerds every episode and she doesn’t have to be sneaky at all because the tech bros are all horned up autists.

"Anonymous private individual that wants to stay anonymous". If anyone gets any pardons or accepts some weird gov role in the near future. We'll know.

This is not a lion. I am not in danger.

Lingo has changed in a progressive way. Sitting with my gen alpha niece and nephew playing video games and nephew messed up and exclaimed "I need a therapist" and apparently that's a phrase you use when you mess something up regardless of how minimal.

Sweet dreams are made of cheese / Who am I to diss a Brie?

He’s talking about making people with preexisting conditions pay more. Here we go again.

"Ask me why I crossed the road one more time"

Cutting 160,000 jobs so people can save .30¢ an item. Imagine the board meeting.