My favourite thing about gyno appointments is that literally every time I go it's a fucking open house. Some med students, some nurses, why not the IT guy too?? Let everyone see!!

I'm not hungover the whole world is spinning and I'm standing still.

Saw a Reddit post about a guy who ate out a girl, got a throat infection, and paid $10k in hospital fees. You should never have to pay $10k to enjoy pussy!! Just wrong!!!

Powerade really went for the "it's a nipple" feature eh.

I wore a bra today. Terrible idea.

It was me. I popped in the bar bathroom.

A rain drop just hit my nipple. God's feeling horny tonight eh

I'm in hell. Someone else's wedding. Really need a wedding discord group for all of us to shit talk.

Damn, I think I would eat a whole skinny person to be skinny again. Doesn't work that way but... What if it did??

Me and my upbringing: being fat is fucking embarrassing. Me in the modern age: uhhh, thick thighs save lives??

Me: "I would kill someone to lose some weight" Others: "just stop drinking" Me: ... Not. A. Chance.

Vacations are dumb cause the TP is never as soft as home. Did I just pay $100s to hurt my butthole?? BULLSHIT

In support of the American people who are getting their rights stripped away, I will have as many abortions as I can. Thinking of you guys tho.

Sometimes when I laugh a lil pee comes out. So this is aging, huh?

Hit depression tips: don't drink too much, don't walk into the street, it will fade, don't worry about it too much lol. Hug your loved ones.

Shaved my downstairs before this work function. Not because I think it will be on display, but you never know with these new corporate ice breakers.

If my boobs ever get bigger I will be SO MAD. SMALL IS FINE. SO MUCH EASIER. I won't hesitate to chop you off if you get too big.

Anti-depressants are great, and also bad!! But in good news I'm finally like... Feeling random horny thoughts again. Like I notice when people look attractive. Feeling those ANIMAL INSTINCTS AGAIN. It's wild to go without that for months.