I reached menopause this week. There are no more fucking rules. #menopausehasarrived

Turns out none of this was a phase. It is who I am.

Careful. I’m crazy not stupid.

The only time I will lower my head is to admire my shoes.

Scorned women: how long did it take you to move the fuck on? 🙄

Remember when I said I am fun but fucked up? Yeah I wasn’t kidding.

You can’t gaslight me because I don’t really care if it happened or not….

I told my boys that every time they ask me for food, a baby kitten dies. I haven’t fed them since yesterday. Follow me for more parenting tips.

I miss the days we still used Twitter as a safe space to just hate everyone. Like, “People who don’t respect routine are so obnoxious.” That’s a sub-tweet for you, Becky-who-just-took-my-seat-I-always-use-in-every-meeting.

Orgasms are healthy. So if I tell you to go fuck yourself, it is because I care.