Did you guys know that turning up the radio fixes almost all your car problems?! Crazy. bitly.xaijo.com/teJCjh

bitly.xaijo.com/IFnfBItT My time machine and I go way back

Just itched my crotch while trying to swat a fly and four people told me I was a good dancer. bitly.xaijo.com/laura

bitly.xaijo.com/dorothea Calm the fuck down, Nutrition Facts labels on bottled water.

I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.. bitly.xaijo.com/marci

tinyurl.bdsmgalls.net/ricky Who needs drugs or alcohol when you've got a carbon monoxide leak?

I mutter "you arrogant asshole" when my phone auto-corrects 'iphone' to 'iPhone' bitly.xaijo.com/annie

bitly.xaijo.com/elva I just saved 57 dollars on my groceries without a single coupon. Self checkouts are awesome.

Sneezed. Nobody blessed me. Going to hell. shorturl.xaijo.com/eddie

shorturl.xaijo.com/alexander Twitter can be like talking to crazy homeless people through protective glass.

I wish I lived in the 1950's, because I have a few songs I want to record about my postman. googl.adultgalls.com/rick

googl.adultgalls.com/margery No matter how many times I call the hospital to complain, they won't recall my baby.

I wish I lived in the 1950's, because I have a few songs I want to record about my postman. shorturl.xaijo.com/fay

go.bdsmgalls.net/sally I don't usually sleep enough, but when I do, its still not enough.

go.bdsmgalls.net/elena "I don't like the taste of water" - First World Problem

go.bdsmgalls.net/ursula Oh, I just love it when people are being sarcastic. That's just really great. Thanks a lot.

I don’t think I’m ready for the emotional commitment of ordering a Happy Meal. go.bdsmgalls.net/alejandra

I can never remember whether or not I'm supposed to mess with Texas. fw2.bdsmgalls.net/tanya

I have no beef with vegetarians. short.bdsmgalls.net/eduardo