Top Lookups Right Now:

Trump Announces 5,000% Increase In All Numbers theonion.com/trump-announce…

The Yellowjackets girls were right I would start killing on day three.

Open request to all businesses with monthly charges. Please change automatic payment confirmation emails: instead of saying "Thank you" they should say "Sorry"

Oh you’re extending your sale? Your Black Friday sale that ended on Tuesday? You’re extending it?

Corporate types are way too on board with adopting any business-related acronyms that come their way. They won't even bat an eye, it could literally be like "What's this stand for? Direct Initiative Kits? Well, have those DIKs in my inbox by EOD."

Jizz is actually short for jigsaw puzzle.

There's some FBI agents doing their own Wrapped right now with the Epstein Files. "Hey Keith, this week you redacted Trump's name 3,298 times, you redacted Steve Bannon's name..."

I think evolution stopped working on some people

Sus af when the email from a major website has the subject line "Support Small Businesses: A Message from Our CEO"

Not be cynical af? In this economy??

Same but with using my walking pad

Alright already we'll all fuck off OK don't worry we'll all fuck off Even if things get heavy we'll all fuck off Alright already we'll all fuck off [uplifting]

We adopted a cat a couple months ago, 10-ish yrs old and as far as they know he was a stray until he came to the shelter. Needed an X-ray and they found a BULLET in him. Can I just say one time, FUCK HUMANS!? Just needed to share that...

If you want to know my current December mental state, I just walked into a room in the house I've lived in for four years and reached for a light switch that has never existed

Shots fired by Merriam-Webster and I am so here for it 🖤

Make America Great Again but it's just bulldozing civilization and giving it all back to the ferns

Today is: 1 week to Christmas 5th night of Chanukah 8 days to the start of Kwanzaa 5 days to Festivus 3 days to Yule 1 week since you looked at me, cocked your head to the side and said "I'm angry"