For humanity's sake, I hope that someone who actually got to see the eclipse complemented the moment with an amplified, pre-recorded assortment of wookie howls. Like a good neighbor.

I smoked most of my first Hi Brand Jupiter Jealousy 1g preroll , lightning up at exactly 4:20pm. 😉 I sunk into my bed as soon as I laid down and I've been relaxed ever since. ☺️ Keeper.

Yesterday morning, I lost my morning sativa preroll on my way to the bus stop. ☹️ This morning, again on my way to the bus stop, I found it leaning against the curb. 😃 Welcome home, friend.

I wonder if anyone at Fox News who has whined/bitched about the courtroom's thermostat in recent days remember the times that they argued: "You're a criminal. You don't deserve special treatment."

Here's to HOPING that U.S. Postal Service gets it's shit together one day. 🤞

I'm off to take a piss...so that I may be... pissed off. #dontmindmeimjusthigh

Hope: "PLEASE DON'T SEND MY DADDY TO JAIL!" 😭 Ivanka: "Bitch..."

"This is only supposed to happen to poor people. 😭" -- Jesse Watters #greektragedy #snowinsummer

New republican challenge: Say that Donald Trump can't be guilty because he's a wealthy white man without saying "wealthy white man."

"Joe Biden is old...We do news." -- The Wall Street Journal

You've got to admire Trump's ability to talk like he's not going to be fact checked later.

Shoutout to TYSON 2.0 and Futurola for the excellent blunt cones. 😁

"Let's see what China thinks." -- Maria Bartiromo

Not really news, but Bay Area Clipper really needs to get their shit together.

Dear Bay Area Clipper: Fuck you and the three generations of inbreeding that birthed you.

My Bay Area Clipper card STILL charged my card's cash balance. Get your shit together, Clipper.

"When I make things up to get attention, it's the news media's responsibility to fact-check me...and then I'll disregard their fact-check." -- Senator Vance Press Office

We're going to need those beers that JD Vance described if he becomes VP.

That moment when I jerk off so hard that...

If only for consistency's sake, MURS should have a solo joint entitled "The One."