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@garycraig74 BRAINCASE TheAdventuresOf Bazake® Rob Rt Hon Sir Grant Shapps Can't make it, chaps. I threw myself down some stairs in a fit of irrepressible fury. I was driven to breaking point by Jovis.

ANSWER YOUR DAMN PHONE Elon Musk YOU NEED TO LUBE MY MEMBER TO UNTRAP IT

Wife's got a birthday coming up? Looking for some sensible political insight, or an emphatic legal submission? Good news! I'm now available for booking on @Cameo!

Paul Mason slips into pole position with this blistering kart racer for the Braincase Britannia. - Real graphics - Three characters to pick from (including Paul Mason) - Soundtrack by Feeder - Racing commentary from Paul Mason

🚨 BREAKING | Labour leader said to be 'Furious' after humiliating "You can't park there, Sir Keir" video goes viral. 'This is his bacon sandwich moment' said a source within Labour HQ. 'Sir Keir's days are surely numbered.'

We are delighted to officially unveil what we believe is the first ever #Oktoberfest shirt in English football. We will wear this special limited edition jersey at all home games across the month of October to celebrate the world's largest Volksfest. #SRFC #UpTheGreyhounds

Special P. P for Sir Piers.

Booting up the Braincase Britannia once again! Methinks it's time for a bit of I Got Lost in an All-Narrowboat Elf Village, and I Can't Leave Until I've Driven Everyone.

WHY OS IT SO HARD FOR GROG TO DRAW AN ANATOMICALLY CORRECT HUMAN FISH ??? ?? 😾😾😾😾😾😾

When Andy @Churnwell tells me the story about getting stuck in the lift with Martin Clunes again.

Absolutely delighted to be named the new leader of Change UK/The Independent Group. To both my friends and my foes, heed these words: if you dare hinder me in my path to power, I will crush you like a cockroach.

When you turn 18, society asks you to pick one of these as your role model.

Sir Piers-Alexander Birtwistle. 🇺🇦 gets owned by Corbynite chicken wing stand at the Newton Aycliffe Chutney Festival. Its understood he filed a police report claiming Russian involvement and was later seen with St John Ambulance staff insisting he had been poisoned with polonium.

Well for a start, it's an attaché case. So let's get that right first of all.

Terrible news about President Biden but we can be reassured that Kamala Harris is ready, willing and able to lead should the worst come to pass 🙏

Hi Chris Mason, quick Q re the fine details of the deal: are you able to tell us what the PM had for breakfast to steel himself for this monumental announcement?

Tonight, 9:00pm. Don't miss it: Prof Kelvin Knox Change UK will debate 50 students in the Michael Winner memorial lecture hall, University College Borehamwood. Professor David Balls is the moderator. The question: should Brexit voting towns be punished for what they have done?

Griff Rhys Jones too 👍