in like 2012 cnn had a store where you could buy shirts featuring any current news headline and i wore this around san jose for like 3 years

Sorry if you felt overwhelmed last night. When I said 'drop by later, Lindas coming by' I meant every possible Linda, not just the one we both know

Nana be careful on those stairs you don't have enough followers for a gofundme

[listening to the bell toll] haha the bell is tolling for some loser, I wonder who

I'm not on here much, but if you have bluesky I'm posting like it's 2012 over there same user name

You'll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar and the most flies with a huge piece of shit so what are we even talking about

the kid (jonah hill): who is that?

tobin (bill hader): oh he saved our asses one time but he's a weirdo, man. just stay away from him. aw shit here he comes..

the judge (hairless danny mcbride): wassup, im the fucking judge, dawg. and to whom do i have the honor of addressing?

Chaperoning a field trip and a kid just asked if I've ever heard one two buckle my shoe like that shit just dropped this week

There is a long list of things I'd rather die than do, and that's not even necessarily a harsh condemnation of the things on that list.

my uncle told me the only times he cried were once when he was driving across Utah listening to monster magnet and when he realized what a piece of shit he was

Lois from Goodfellas kinda got that Shrek fit goin

i spent way too long on this

This cape is reversible but my decision to wear it to the custody hearing is not.

Probably the funniest brag in the history of hip hop was Eminem's claim that the intended target of the infamous 9/11 attacks was in fact Shady records

this is what happens when you don’t recycle your pizza boxes

yes, please do enlighten me. email me at [email protected]

If you're a kid living in the timeline of a Christmas movie, and your dad is super hot, I'm sorry, but your mom is about to die

the shoulder proportions of a bodybuilder are now achievable without drugs, overnight, with just one simple head reduction surgery

Where do extremely online polyamorous people sleep? In a four poster bed. That's just a little joke.