If someone dies because you wanted to make more money, that should be as capital a crime as if you pushed them off a building with your own two hands.

International sport is so corrupt that Al Capone would blanch at the depths of their depravity. When the heads of FIFA and the Olympics go deservedly to Hell, the devil will welcome them all as brothers.

Whenever I see a "trying weird snacks" video on YouTube, I think "but I'M a weird snack!"

I enjoy how "life hacks" are a sign that the YouTube channel is run by a bunch of hacks. The English language is wiser than us all. Her secret code lay in just the most witheringly insulting puns. Love it.

A new holiday tradition where Santa's advance scout is called Christmas Steve.

Bravery is the better part of not knowing what the hell you're doing.

I sure hope in that Disney Star Wars Land the electronics store is called "BespinBuy".

A movie about a vigilante who keeps a day job as a garbage man, so that staking out locations all over the city never looks suspicious, because he's the garbage man, he's supposed to be everywhere. It's called TAKING OUT THE TRASH. It'd be AWFUL.

At what point in alteration to recipe does it become a different thing? Oreos are Oreos even when you replace the cookies with other flavors & the filling too. At what point would it no longer be an Oreo? What's the exact maximum amount of change before it becomes something else?

A Will Smith parody about Victorian British Christmas called "Gettin' Figgy With It".

I haven't been in Binghamton enough to write the Christmas carol "O Little Town of Binghamton" but I'm certain the fact that the roads are always under construction will be one of the details. Take it if you like. An absurdist freebee, as it were.

Finding out you're wrong just means you get to learn more. That sounds pretty awesome to me.

The more times I remember seeing an ad the less I want the product. Ads that fade into the background don't repel me but I can't say if they subconsciously suck me in or not. Maybe I'm just as gullible as anyone but they gotta use the slow knife to pierce the shield like in DUNE.

I'm trying to convince myself that it's just that Buffalo's defense was just too devastated by injuries this year, but it's looking more and more like it's just that the window for their run of above-average-but-not-great is closing. Sucks.

"Loyalty Points" are just a trap to pull you into a company's walled garden, so you'll look at better deals at other stores but think "ah, if I overpay at the place where I get points I'll get closer to cashing out my points for something!" It's the arcade tickets con for adults.

It warms my heart to see the college football teams just outside of the playoff refusing to play in the junk lesser bowls that are only for alumni, gamblers & to have something to play on ESPN between Christmas & New Years. If all the meaningless dot-com bowls die, good riddance.

The price of love is knowing that everything ends and you can never know when and the pain that you feel when it does. But it's worth it. Love is always worth it. Christ, maybe knowing there's an end someday makes it even more dear.

I really just hope that the porno version of the Fantastic Four movie was called "Fantastic Fornication".

A series of ads starring Chef Boyardee's useless nepobaby grandson Jeff Boyardee.

A fictional autobiography called I'M IN ERNEST: THE VERN STORY.