I miss the unadulterated joy that only snow days and scholastic book fairs could provide

So is Kanye gonna be put under conservatorship? Or is that just a thing done to women?

Morning routine: 1. Wake up. 2. Check on Zelensky. 3. Coffee.

When you’re a kid you want to be an adult so you can do ANYTHING when the reality of adulthood is wanting to do absolutely NOTHING

I still haven’t figured out what I wanna be when I grow up but I know it aint takin more bullshit from the patriarchy

By the time you’re in your 40s you will: • have a rogue hair somewhere that requires plucking • think college students look like middle schoolers • have debated faking your own death • have a favorite spatula • have crapped your pants as an adult See, we’re all the same ✌️

90% of being an adult is doing shit you don’t want to do, 10% is googling how to do shit, 25% is trying to get out of doing shit and the rest is using a calculator for basic math because you forgot how to do that shit

When you’re so broke you get a middle seat on your flight of fancy

Is it loopty-loop or loop-de-loop? I refuse to add further indignity to this tragedy with a spelling error in the obituary.

• gross • what’s wrong with people?! • gross! • JESUS CHRIST! • ugh, good enough - me picking out a bathroom stall

Normalize children’s birthday parties where the budget is the cost of a cake

If the first thing you think of when you hear Idaho is potatoes than you’re far more mature than I am

Body: dead Mind: only inside

ah i’d love to but i already have plans

hey i can’t come in to work today i have to indulge my childlike sense of joy and wonder

hey the shut the fuck up factory called. it’s time to clock in

not many ppl know this but u don't have to get married or buy a house when ur older, u can literally be annoying with ur friends forever if u want

there are certain angles of your face you should never have to see

I'm neither a night owl nor a morning person... I'm just a perpetually fatigued house cat

hey sorry i missed your text i realized i’m going to have to keep responding to texts for the rest of my life and i got really tired