My soulmate is definitely very far away in a different continent. or died years ago, or exists in another timeline.

They could never make The Office today. One day is not enough time to make a whole tv show

You can’t be close friends with someone without thinking they’re a bit of a prick

Everyone send me £20 for that bag we split and you didn’t pay me back for - it happened don’t question it and try gaslight me into believing you’ve paid because you definitely haven’t.

Cant think of anything more uncomfortable and embarrassing than walking down the aisle

mature content warning

A Merry Clitmas Christmas to one and all 🎅🏻🎄

They hate to see a bad bitch stimming

my sister is so offline, unplugged, unbothered. she’s been doing the massive New York Times end of year crossword for 5 days. right now she’s solving a rubik’s cube. she just asked me if “gone girl” is a romance movie.

Just found out my housemate is forklift certified :3

His ass is not a dog

My therapist? You mean my personal trainer of the mind

Whoever said variety is the spice of life obviously never tried garlic

stop ordering biscuits!

All the people that I don’t know are literally so cool