Guy who came to collect the money for the week: are you actually english? Me: me? Yeah.. Guy: makes a nice change

Our music hadn’t become 50% Christmas like it should have been so a guy came to fix it (and had the music off for a bit while he did) and suddenly it comes on with Last Christmas as the first song and I found that hilarious #whamageddon2024

Idk about you, but my favourite way to start a night shift while you have a cold, is getting stuck in the lift…

Don’t let me forget that i saw a cat in a little carrier outside the hippodrome at like 3am

Someone literally just yelled “bus wankers” outta their window in the year 2025

Absolute filth on this institution of British television. Country’s going down the pan #UniversityChallenge

Hey why am i feeling nauseous?

The answer is anxiety

When I want to feel young I go to the M&S Cafe. Youngest here by a couple decades.

Ahhhh, post haircut regret..

Apparently how i check if i’m drunk on my way home is testing myself on times tables? No idea if being drunk would make me bad at them but as i’m not I’ve decided i must be fine.

Customer, at end of transaction: enjoy the long weekend! Me, who’s worked since Tuesday and is working all weekend including monday: 😬

“Last time when I was getting my hair cut, there’s half the Arsenal ladies team as well?..”

Me, picking up my popeyes: Do you have any ketchup? Guy: no, sorry. Me, walking out the store & seeing burger king next door: is there a way i can buy just ketchup? Girl, looking around in a totally non suspicious way: *slides me a handful of ketchup packets over the counter*

Me, as we drive by some nice houses: Why don’t we live here? Mother: it’s too expensive Me: Sad Father: if you had an only fans you could make tons of money and live wherever you want Me: thanks?

You’d never guess what is currently the only show i’ve got tickets for here in Vegas…

Solo lazy river-ing is actually quite sad and awkward

LOL not them playing the jet2holidays clip at a pool party at the MGM grand pool 😂

Well that scared the shit outta me

There’s something beyond iconic about Toto’s Africa playing directly after come on Eileen