this is not who you are.

my mouth watered and my gums ached, but i obeyed you. was it a test? like holding a piece of meat in front of a dog and commanding it to sit, just to push the limits of its obedience?

[ She's making her way to the skatepark— deciding a distraction from everything that's happened would be beneficial. ]

[ His eyes glance at the streetlight above, marking the exact spot where he'd been taken. The last thing he'd seen before everything had happened. ] [ Right as he's about to simply pass under it like it was nothing, the light catches his attention. ] [ One flicker, then two. ]

[ ...An immediate step back. Fear pierces their heart— stopping in place as they simply just... stared. ] [ A minute felt like an eternity in that moment. ] [ No matter how hard he internally screamed at himself to move, his body wouldn't budge. Frozen right where he stood. ]

[ And only after several minutes of nothing happening, his anxiety finally releases him. ] [ Fuck— how pathetic. At least nobody's around to witness. ] [ She quickly takes her gaze off the light, tears pricking the corners of her eyes with how badly they burn. ]

[ Just— don't focus on it. They're here to distract themself, to push down the events of the past few months. Forgetting everything would be nothing short of a blessing, to pretend everything was perfectly normal. ] [ It's a momentary consolance. This won't matter in an hour. ]

[ She turns her back to the light, deciding to just choke down that stress through skating... something he hasn't been able to do in a long time. ] [ Their hand raises— and she's surprised to find her board won't materialize. ] [ ...He should remember how to summon his gear. ]

[ Wracking his brain for the memory— yet this should have been just second nature— and no matter how hard he tries, his gear won't summon. ] [ Panic floods her chest once again, mind warring with the possibility that maybe she truly isn't who she believes she is. ]

ii don't know who i am.

my head hurts again.

☆ — SHADE.⠀

my stomach had just stopped hurting a few days ago, and now it's cramping again. great.

i can't stop thinking about it. respawn.

...it's ok. i missed you. at least... that whole thing is behind me now i guess. respawn was strange. peaceful, at least... not so much when i came back.

please don't ever do it again, but i forgive you. i know you were dealing with a lot too. everything's just... a lot to take in. yeah. a break from feeling like this i guess. i never want to experience it again.

i don't feel very good.

oh my skatesword