The bloke who walked out of Greggs with a tray of steak bakes had a better defence than Shrewsbury’s #Salop

We’ve got defenders who can’t defend and strikers who can’t score. But apart from that… #Salop

Last night saw the Shrewsbury Town FC debut of Leo Castledine, son of 'Homes under the Hammer' presenter Lucy Alexander. I can but hope that he walked into the dressing room and opened and closed all the locker doors for absolutely no good reason. #Salop

Splendid stuff

I see there's a bit of a fuss over the 'discovery' of shoplifters nicking stuff to order. A few of the lads in my year at my school were doing that decades ago. Let's just say it's no wonder Woolies went bust.

The kingpin was a lad nicknamed 'Jobber' who cut a slit in the lining of his blazer to accommodate 7 inch singles.

First they came for Esther McVey So I held open the door and said: “That’s her, over there”.

According to United Utilities, the discharge of raw sewage into Lake Windermere for each of the past 7 days is due to heavy rain. As anyone who has ever visited the Lake District can testify, heavy rain in that part of the world is a highly unusual phenomenon.

Oh the sweet irony of certain Brexiteers spending more time in the EU because they hate the idea of living in Britain. How terribly unpatriotic.

This will shock you, but I actually think Liz Truss was right - there is scope for further public spending cuts. I’d start with the substantial amount of money allocated to former Prime Ministers every year for the rest of their lives. Perhaps link it to time spent in office?

Morning. 🚨 The Trawl If you’re after Oasis tickets today, you’ll love this ep. Contains some Trawl gold Plus - the rose garden in your service, a tribute to Sven and your underrated tweets of the week. Link below 👇

Amazing! Since Keir Starmer put Thatcher's portrait in the attic, Liz Truss hasn't aged a day.

It's hardly surprising that people holding passports that allow them to live in and move freely around the EU can't understand the significance of the loss of those benefits to other people.

Now Starmer's gone too far; he's removed Liz Truss' portrait.

It can only be a matter of time before he's shot in the ear.

NEW! This week we're delighted to be joined by hugely talented singer / songwriter, Lucy Pullin. She has some ideas for you Keir Starmer 🎙️ It's FREE! 👉 linktr.ee/smrrejoinradio 🎧 but if you enjoy it, help us make #ProEU radio! Join us from just £1.50 via the above link! 🇪🇺

If we are to have a comeback from the '90s, please can it be area-based regeneration (revisited, remodelled and renewed)? #SureStart #NeighbourhoodRenewalFund #NewDealForCommunities #NeighbourhoodManagement

Essentially, the message from the Conservative leadership candidates appears to be: "I've rolled in more glitter than my opponents".

If Nadhim Zahawi is that concerned about homelessness, perhaps he could offer his stables as temporary accommodation? I understand they’re nice and warm.

We are hiring - in LONDON 👀 Opening our next Rekindle School for Tulse Hill young critical thinkers. We need a visionary educator who can inspire their team and help local young people fall in love with learning. Apply - join our village ❤️ rekindleschool.org/jobs/youth-tea…