This INFURIATES me, and it should infuriate you too!!

Not only is this Nevada but this is my future child

Dating app caption: “freezing eggs is on my radar.” Translation for man brain: “I’m really fun, fertile and do NOT have abandonment issues...you heard I’m REALLY fun, right??”

Feeling maternal and binge watching Survivor so I must know...Is Jeff Probst up for adoption?

the all-organic and rational approach to curing carpal tunnel is we must teach dogs to type

any guys get off on watching someone eat a whole can of black olives? cuz I’m your girl

@hlnsburneracct @krisplaw Lee Hubilla madigan Burke @andeeconda @theandrearomano Alison Cashmere Jasmine - Director, Writer, Documentarian Carolyn Portner 💜💜

best thing about SNL weekend update is the old fashion pencil Colin Jost holds but definitely has never used

I told a friend if I have kids there’s a 50/50 shot they’ll inherit my bone disorder and she said “science is advanced nowadays, you can do genetic modification” & maybe that was offensive of her but I know she meant well — how else would I know science is advanced nowadays?

In LA rain be a season: Me: “my allergies were fucking awful today” Smart friend: “oh it rained it’s probably seasonal allergies”

Millennials hunting for leftover vaccines have never been so horny for CVS pharmacists

I love this man and this podcast idc who god damn knows it Bill 🌈🤷🏻‍♂️🔮

this Friends reunion is just an ad for dentures and cutting off codependent relationships

I’m a human Hollywood assistant, on a show that hired a mouse actor and I’m about 100% sure that damn rodent is making more money than me...and that’s show business, baby!