I promise to name my firstborn Brendan Gleason

The spoon man!!!

Pangea was a slay

I’m not tweeting I’m manifesting likes

Me using the office printer for my Poshmark labels

Big bowl of chili still spanks

I’m trying out “spanks” instead of “slaps” and I think it works

Is it a slay or is it loss of executive function?

I guess I’m just posting the highlights of my IG feed

If it’s over $50 then it’s not really on sale

it's cool that yogurt can be any flavor

fruit fly plague has been released

ask celebrities if they ever shower

I only take advice from people who get also get greasy hair on Day 1, our life is just different than the rest of you

The devil works hard, but Barbie’s marketing team is INSANE Small visual thread of all their awesome work as of late:

The Rocky Mountain chocolate factory bear… I hope to never see it again

Applying tanner 3 hours before the pool party in an act of radical optimism

Why is this Barbie red carpet in direct sunlight

"slay-tember"