Carleton attempts to livestream New Years “ball drop” for grades to release; ball freezes

Students confused as professor lectures and provides assignments like winter break didn’t just happen

In online year twist, “Among Us Night” surpasses “Paint Night” as the most predictable club and society event

Paper industry collapses as CUSA campaigns go online

Carleton Deploying Soldiers to University of South Florida, Armed Conflict Looms

Students First look to be hot picks in the first round of the 2021 pyramid scheme draft

In blow to divest campaign, Carleton states it will “HOLD” fossil fuel investments with “DIAMOND HANDS 👐💎 TO THE MOON 🚀🚀”

Rodney the Raven resigns after DNA test reveals he is part crow

Matt Gagne loses Groundhog vote after accidentally giving speech meant for Ravens

Students First hastily create a concession Tiktok dance after Ravens United sweeps polls

Trashy Ollie’s looking to become Only Ollie’s after closing of Classy Ollie’s

Carleton to add “being a citizen in a country partaking in a military-backed coup exception” right under “pregnancy obligation” in all syllabuses

Province will lockdown every exam season in solidarity with students

Feedback suggests Carleton’s new logo needs squigglier lines to convey diversity and academic integrity

Mayor Jim Watson claims LRT issues are result of the ‘vengeful’ O-Train Line 2 spirit; repair crews called off in favour of exorcist to ‘purge’ ghostly presence

Daylight savings provides student easy excuse to put off working on 2000 word assignment for another hour