SANDWICHES x.com/Office/status/…

When I order pizza and wings for just myself to be delivered i.imgur.com/JFgyq.gif

There's a used condom outside my place and the saddest part is that there's no way it could have even fallen out of my trash.

I've reached peak divorced dad fridge. Six types of beer, a couple condiments and three opened salsas.

LIVE on #Periscope: Man in the Macy's tree pscp.tv/w/acA5vTczMzk3…

LIVE on #Periscope pscp.tv/w/acA56TczMzk3…

I'm going to start selling it on Etsy... #ManInTree x.com/kozzi/status/7…

The best thing #ManInTree has done so far was peel an orange and eat it, then throw the peels at the cops with remarkably good aim.

Not sure where the apple throwing rumor came from about #ManInTree. I've been watching him for 2.5 hours. #blessed

We are decidedly Team Man In Tree over here in the Times Square Building.

#ManInTree Update: Seattle superhero showed up w/ sandwich but SPD wouldn't #letphoenixjoneshelp so he's Katniss Everdeening himself a nest

#ManInTree will search for tracker jacker nest to shoot and drop onto cops in the morning.

Doesn't seem the type to plan ahead, but #ManInTree has ensured that Christmas is ruined

My friend and I have a secret text code for when we're home safe to deter serial killers. It's the lyrics to Janet Jackson's "Nasty Boys"

=IF(Darth Vader ="Father", TRUE("Noooooooo")) #MayThe4thBeWithYou amp.twimg.com/v/d8d120f2-33e…

Shout-out to trying to fold a stick of gum into your mouth like they did in commercials.

My slime is NOW! The @nickelodeon #KCA is Saturday, March 11th!

HELP ME PLEASE. A MAN NEEDS HIS NUGGS

I guess I have to start tweeting again. thedrum.com/opinion/2017/1…