I love when the tag on an article of clothing says "Do Not Dry Clean" because, I wasn't gonna anyway

Michelle Tsai, you will always be a Jeopardy Champion to me. Johnathan Hubblebubble or whatever, you're my Enemy now. You're the Villain of Jeopardy

I wish there were trailers before Broadway plays. Like, send the understudies around to the different theaters to do a little 2-minute sneak peak before the main show starts. It would be whimsical, I think

You can sing Raul Julia’s name to the tune of “Hallelujah,” just in case you were wondering

People are always talking about "the homeless problem" but to some people, the "problem" is homelessness itself, and to others, the problem seems to be "Ewwwww, I have to see them"

Why is the New York Times trying to pretend like they invented Scrabble

Seattle vs. New England: The Frasier Bowl

Disney finally figured out what to do with The Muppets, and it turns out, it was just “do what The Muppets have always done.” Please please please, give me a million more seasons of The Muppet Show.

LET Seth Rogen BE THE PRESIDENT OF THE MUPPETS, HE OBVIOUSLY KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING

The best part of that halftime show was that all the worst people I know were shitting their pants in anger the entire time

This Super Bowl, objectively, sucks. But watching the Patriots eat shit and embarrass themselves on the biggest stage, I have the biggest smile on my face

Bobsled looks so fun. I’m sure it’s hard or whatever, but to me it’s like WHEEEE I’m flyin my ice racecar down the snow slide choo choooooooo

I just saw a woman wearing a short-sleeve band t-shirt (Built to Spill) over a long-sleeve t-shirt, and like baggy carpenter jeans. 2003 is back and I’m not ready for it

Imagine getting all your teeth smashed out of your head just to win a gold medal for a country that doesn't give people health care

"Blizzard warning" "Stay at home" What, am I supposed to be 'scared'? SCARED of the SNOW? Is Frosty the Snowman gonna beat me with a candy cane? Grow up.

There’s a single block in Bay Ridge that has a Gap outlet, Sephora, Bath & Body Works, Victoria’s Secret, Pandora, Children’s Place, Vitamin Shoppe, and Foot Locker, plus a standalone Panda Express and an Auntie Anne’s/Cinnabon. It’s an open-air 90s shopping mall.

Can anyone name a fourth Village People song

I don’t support war with Iran at all. But I do hope gasoline hits $6/gallon soon.

Overheard in a Park Slope dive bar: two people looking at someone’s Instagram profile: “Oh, it looks like she’s mutual friends with a person I met at that orgy…” Brooklyn is the greatest country on earth