Chris: *under his breath in the kitchen* “so put me in the basement…” Me: what? Chris: I’M SINGING SHIMMER! #Bejeweled Taylor Swift

There’s just something so satisfying about a plain cheese pizza.

Decided I will be the last of us to watch The Last of Us.

If I hear Chelsea say “mmm” one more time I’m going to scream. #LoveisBlind4

Someone please tell these men that if you’re not a musician, do not sing a song. #LoveisBlind4

Drink whenever Micah says “like.” #LoveisBlind4

It’s 2023 and I’m asking myself, should I finally care about Mad Men?

Season 3 Carrie Bradshaw is the worst Carrie Bradshaw.

I don’t feel the baby move much, but I think I just felt her for the first time in the last few days while the #SweeneyTodd revival performance was on. So yeah, she’s mine lol. #TonyAwards #22weeks

Is pregnancy finally going to make me download the wayfair app? It’s looking very yes.

Another pregnancy tweet: if the observation you want to voice about my body is anything other than “you look amazing,” I don’t need to hear it. /Please ask yourself how you expect me to respond before you say it??? Because with some of this, you couldn’t have possibly.

And just like that, I was in my third trimester.

For the last month, I keep having an unidentifiable craving to eat or drink something, and it’s fully driving me insane. I don’t know what I want, only that I’m not getting it. A constant itch I just can’t scratch UGHHHHHH #pregnancy #thirdtrimester

Why do so many people in the airport insist on smelling terribly? 🤢

Tonight I went to see #waitressthemusical knowing very little about it and it was the longest I have been away from my seven week old baby so far. Needless to say there was ugly crying during Everything Changes.

No one told me becoming a mom would make me cry at EVERYTHING. Like why am I crying watching the end of Elf, a movie I have seen approximately 700 times? Hormones? Sleep deprivation? All of the above?

Today I heard someone refer to a mental breakdown as a “minty B” and my stress levels just got SO much cuter.

Me: *eating pizza and drinking beer* I can’t wait to get really skinny again.