I'm just a twenty- something in mom jeans tryna get some McDonald's. #momjeans #signaturesauce

Do you get to make a wish on cop cars with headlights out?

Baby, I'mma swish and flick the shit out of you! #harrypotterdirtytalk

*Is a wizard and has magic* better throw shit at the giant troll!

professor owl-eyes is severely underrated

I'd be naked under the invisibility cloak like 24/7

SHUT UP FILCH, YOU RED WEDDING-HAVIN' BITCH!

Watching #DancingWiththeStars, how do I get Tom Bergeron to be my dad?

It is 2:30 and all I've accomplished is a shower. #winning

Still screaming at tonight's episode of #DancingWiththeStars so awesome!

Shopping for office prom with @deathgrups

Don't mind me *eats third helping of green bean casserole of the day*

Watching #Idiocracy with Matt.

Just watched #YouTubeRewind2017 and cried because I had a visual of all the worthless shit that was popular this year.

My aesthetic is 1/2 debutante, 1/2 hooker

Son, we need to have a talk... instagram.com/p/BcjHNxHhJCT/

Happy New Ears!

Does kombucha go bad or does it just get more kombucha-y?

Being on a road trip means there is no safe place to fart.

Am I a Who or a fraggle? You decide! #bluehairdontcare #dancepractice #fragglerock instagram.com/p/BiGDd89gd_6/