When in doubt, fart it out

I know it’s 1 kabrillion light years away, but those black-hole aliens are coming for me and are going to incinerate my soul. Please don’t show me the picture.

feeling like I had a crappy day. saw this. feeling like it was pretty okay.

dreamt of 48¢ avocados, woke up to my child using the broken toilet that doesn’t flush. life is cruel 📉

Still thinking about those 48¢ avocados in my dream. I guess this is what sets me as a xennial. Concerned w/ moderate spending, but also 🥑😛

How is it, that in golden age of technology, my kids have somehow lost one piece to every puzzle we own?!

Do you ever sit back and think, there are hundreds of Instagram filters out there, and yet x,y, and z problems have not been solved. Namely, the puzzle piece fiasco.

The real struggles we face 2day x.com/sammyrhodes/st…

Barn. Bran. All you do is swap the middle letters. Ever think about that? No coincidence, they taste the same.

You might be an introvert if one of your favorite parts of being out of town is that no one recognizes you and wants to talk.

At that part in the day where I’m just eating food so I can drink more coffee without feeling sick. #monday

You can’t have it all. But you can make brownies at 9:30pm and then snack on them for a solid 24 hours. #giveintolove

Nothing says Mom of the Modern Age like having avocado toast+smoothie+brownie for breakfast. #IdowhatIwant #winning

New trend in the works. Toe-covers so I never feel self-conscious at women gatherings because painted toenails are low on the priority list. Wearing regular socks was too hot okay!!?

What’s the noise ordinance on neighbors playing terrible elevator jazz outside? All day. Every day.