Dawn Dais (@bydawndais) 's Twitter Profile
Dawn Dais

@bydawndais

Writer of The Sh!t No One Tells You Parenting Series, The Overly Honest Baby Book, designer, filmmaker, expert napper

ID: 731605932

linkhttp://www.dawndais.com calendar_today01-08-2012 22:37:00

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Dawn Dais (@bydawndais) 's Twitter Profile Photo

My kid asked Santa for a drone. I thought I should set it up before Christmas morning, bc Santa clearly picked it up in a different country & his elves didn’t translate the instructions very well. Upon reflection, testing flying it in my kitchen was probably not the best idea....

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After I ordered DoorDash tonight this popped up. . “Hey, you’re tired. It’s rainy. It’s Friday. Maybe you’re stoned? We won’t judge. Add on some snacks from 7-11!”

After I ordered <a href="/DoorDash/">DoorDash</a> tonight this popped up. 
.
“Hey, you’re tired. It’s rainy. It’s Friday. Maybe you’re stoned? We won’t judge. Add on some snacks from 7-11!”
Dawn Dais (@bydawndais) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Talking with the kids about animals. Somehow got on bats. . Vivi: They are kinda cute, maybe we could get one as a pet. . Daniel: You know, someone ate a bat and made corona. . Vivi: That’s not really the bat’s fault. . Daniel: That’s true. . . #dontblamethebat

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There is a girl on my son’s 1st grade zoom class who is slouched down in her chair, sunglasses on, refusing to unmute & participate. When she did finally unmute it was to suggest they sing a song instead of write a book. . She’s all done with this pandemic. And she is all of us

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I have a sick kid and tried to order a thermometer via Instacart. They couldn’t find the thermometer, but did have some very helpful substitution suggestions. #booze #planb

I have a sick kid and tried to order a thermometer via <a href="/Instacart/">Instacart</a>. They couldn’t find the thermometer, but did have some very helpful substitution suggestions. #booze #planb
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I’m in the store and Paula Abdul’s Opposites Attract is on. It just struck me that this was a major hit & in everyone’s mind the male voice is a animated cat. Who was the poor dude who sang on a #1 hit & had MC Skat Cat get credit? . Also. Why was it ok that she was dating a cat?

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The kids are watching the most annoying YouTube video that was ever Tubed. On top of that, one kid is narrating it, making sure I don’t miss any. part. of. it. . My cochlear implant battery just went out. Moments like this make you really believe in miracles. #deafhasitsbenefits

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My son accessorized Buddha and I feel like this is a good representation of my road to spiritual enlightenment. #wearedoingourbestoverherebuddha

My son accessorized Buddha and I feel like this is a good representation of my road to spiritual enlightenment. #wearedoingourbestoverherebuddha
Dawn Dais (@bydawndais) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Please stop everything. There is a cat nip brand called Meowijuana. . “Why are you laughing about these Mommy?” . “Um. It says Pawty Mix instead of Party Mix. So silly.”

Please stop everything. There is a cat nip brand called Meowijuana. 
.
“Why are you laughing about these Mommy?”
.
“Um. It says Pawty Mix instead of Party Mix. So silly.”
Dawn Dais (@bydawndais) 's Twitter Profile Photo

I feel more than a little attacked that Amazon is sending me packages unpackaged, just out in the open, for everyone to see what I impulse-bought at 1am.

I feel more than a little attacked that Amazon is sending me packages unpackaged, just out in the open, for everyone to see what I impulse-bought at 1am.
Dawn Dais (@bydawndais) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Most of the time I feel like the only reason I have an Apple Watch is because it has a button on it that helps me find my phone that I lose every 17 minutes.

Dawn Dais (@bydawndais) 's Twitter Profile Photo

The biggest difference between a boy child and a girl child: When a boy child says, “Smell this” you most definitely do not want to smell whatever he is offering. #takenote