do mormons think espresso martinis are the ultimate sin?

guys, don't tell a girl you want to kidnap them as a form of flirting. poor choice of words 😂

we may or may not get directly hit with a hurricane

why am I crying at Eminem becoming Grandpa Slim

i'm going to need you to back off milton

of course I get asked to model for f1 tmrw when a hurricane is a direct hit

the guy sitting next to me on my flight asked where I was going and I said the same destination as you 😂✈️

Just had to tell a unique fact about myself and broke the news i'm a DJ. Big deal in corporate.

our next door neighbor is in rehab and we need his ladder to finish our christmas lights and his wife hates us

my new truck is spaceship supercomputer wtf gmc

being the most intelligent person in the room all the time is exhausting

"my kid isn't rude he is just autistic" same

empanadas for breakfast is the move

"when are you going to get into your sourdough era" - Jake

forgot to tell my michigan friends how many buttcheeks you see at florida music festivals

my friends favorite sets this weekend were all women VNSSA ☆ Nostalgix ☆ 🫶🏽 Breakaway Festival

My mom said all she wanted for Mother's Day was for us all to take a nap... so we did. Love her so much. 🩷

My ex-coworker finally got fired for sending unsolicited d*ck pics to a client. Never thought I'd be getting those at my old married age, but here we are.