And on the third day, Mary truly couldn’t believe her eyes.

It’s none of my business, but I really do wonder how dogs can hold their pee for nine hours.

The Gooch w/ @saggiesplinters 🎄👹

The Elf on the Shelf is a gay Republican.

Lol, he looks like he got extradited while doing Improvised Shakespeare.

Benoit Blanc would’ve eaten them alive. (But maybe he and Elliott would’ve flirted first. 😋)

Same! BB&B stays relatable! 😋😋 nytimes.com/2023/01/05/bus…

There really were nights when the wind was SO cold.

It’s so crazy to me that, in a few hours, I will deadass greet my therapist with “Oh, I’m doing well. You?” Like, whaaaat?… no I’m not! ✨✌🏻😋✨

For those following along at home: I cried throughout the session, and at the end my therapist asked me “… Would it be alright if I gave you a hug?…” Can’t stress enough how I am in peak form!!!! LYLAS!

Next year, I hope the groundhog sees Goody Proctor with the devil.

A kidnapper would be LUCKY to have me! #KnowYourWorth 🤟🏻😋

Happy Pickup Truck birthday day to all who celebrate! 🥹🥲 ✨🎂🛻✨ Comedy Bang Bang Drew Tarver

I’m married to my career! 😋 But we didn’t sign a prenup. 😰

Really sad to learn that so many of our superheroes struggle with low self-esteem. ☹️ npr.org/2023/02/28/116…

Britney Spears sang “monogamy is the way to go”, and she’s STILL a gay icon! Arguably the most impressive feat of her career.

snipping that invisible string

⚠️PSA: “Padam Padam” by Kylie Minogue actually has the exact perfect BPM for doing CPR on a circuit gay named Patrick who collapsed after doing too much ketamine on an empty stomach in the Miami heat.

everything is annoying

During LA Olympics, the boxing venue should be the alley behind SUR. #LA28