i told my sis a joke about my her old car which was an exterra and i called it her ex, terra but it was really poorly executed and i had to explain it to her and stuff

utah: zero fatalities, a goal we can all live with us: could we maybe get some light reflectors on the roads, pls utah, louder: zero fatalities, a goal we can all live with us: oh, trust us, we are big fans of not dying. but... light reflectors? utah: ZERO FATALITIES

just keyed my own car how’s that for ultimate PRANK

I took this photo as we were leaving #NotreDame about an hour before it caught on fire. I almost went up to the dad and asked if he wanted it. Now I wish I had. Twitter if you have any magic, help him find this 🙏🏼

my friend tonight goes omg i love your lipstick is that glossier ?? and i go no actually! my lips are just really chapped but thanks!

i was about to leave a voicemail for my dentist but as soon as it started i sneezed and just hung up

get ur fuxxin buick out of the way so i can get my tater tot burrito

if ur not spitting up a giant loogie while talking ur not speaking french

i feel more like i’m cheating when i repeat an outfit than i ever did cheating throughout my entire education. but just like school i’m gonna doit anyway!!!!!

Call Me By Your Middle Name

pls read this only if youve reached the age of accountability: Its a sin to have bad thoughts about anything and oh btw theres an unknowable being who reads all your thoughts good luck bitch

There is strength in buying myself whatever the hell i want There is peace in buying myself whatever the hell I want There is love in buying myself whatever the hell I want There is hope in buying myself whatever the hell I want

Home is where my clothes are <3

What’s worse singing gibberish with a song because you don’t know the lyrics or singing it right bc you looked the lyrics up and memorized them

My sophomore year of high school my English teacher tried to teach us the difference in spelling of lay down, lie down, laid, and lain but then gave up and said just don’t use any of them

selling 4 tickets to Olivia Rodrigo in austin tx on February 28 at face value! tickets are not available for transfer until 72 hours before the show. dm me if interested! #olivarodrigo #GUTS #GUTStour2024 #ticketmaster #GutsTour #Oliviarodrigopresale #Oliviarodrigoconcert

My Grandpa is perfect. I found this album on his computer named "Bad Hair Morning"